5 Pieces of Advice That Separated Women Can't do Without


5 Pieces of Advice That Separated Women Can't do Without

 

If there was a handbook for newly separated women, you'd find these must-have pieces of advice. Follow these golden rules to stay on the road to recovery.

 
All separations are hard. But healing from them can be even trickier. I liken separation to home renovations: they usually take twice as long and cost twice as much as expected. Whether you and your ex parted amicably or despicably, here are five golden pieces of advice to get you through the hardships of separation.
 
1.    Find ongoing support
 
When I separated, I couldnt find support where I expected it. Given my family disapproved of my situation, I found support elsewhere. Although my close friends served as my guideposts down a treacherous road, they couldnt relate to the depths of my despair. Therefore, I avoided overloading them with the heaviness of my grief. Instead, I turned to other divorce survivors who not only related to me, but helped me navigate through stormy seas. Better yet, I also found a sympathetic therapist who was best able to make sense of my feelings and land me in an ideal emotional landscape.
 
2.    Get your house in order
 
Get your house―and life―in order (literally and figuratively). Why? Because chaos in your surroundings only invites emotional chaos. If youre moving to a new place, make it a happy, calm place of refuge and healing. Unpack and unload your emotional baggage.
 
If youre staying put, then re-paint or re-decorate to make this space your own―free of any negative or painful memories. More importantly, a stable home will introduce a sense of much needed normalcyfor you and your children. Remember, when you get yourself together, you help your kids do the same.
 
3.    Keep a journal
 
Therapists and friends aside, keeping a journal of your thoughts is another sure way to purge those perky demons. A journal offers a private, quiet interlude where you can sort out your feelings. Not only is it extremely cathartic, its also insightful and healing. Your journal can also embody that angry, unsent letter to your ex, a love letter to yourself, or even a wish list of what you want and need in your life. Think of it as your personal roadmap to happiness. You have nothing to lose and only clarity to gain.
 
I recently perused through my old journal, and felt immensely proud of how far Ive come since my separation. You will too!
 
4.    Rediscover yourself
 
Starting over doesnt have to be scary (although it can be at first). Most women get swallowed up by the deluge of drama that comes with divorce; and they end up losing themselves in the messy process. The end of your marriage doesnt have to mark the end of your lifelong desires and interests. After all, you were whole before your got married―and youre still whole.
 
Make a list of a few things that you truly enjoy doing. Maybe now is the time to take that art class youve always considered. Or sign-up for some hot yoga lessons. If time and money are tight, then join a book club where you can lose yourself in a toe-curling thriller or explore your own spirituality through self-help books. Taking small steps towards happiness will lead you up the stairway to serenity.
 
When I first separated, my joint custody schedule meant that I didnt have my children every day. At first, I cried whenever I was apart from them (a mothers guilt never fails). But when a friend enviously pointed out that I now had free time, I realized that I needed to change my perspective and make the best of this time bounty. Armed with this insight, I made more time for my friends, exercise, and yes, more time for myself. This allowed me to rediscover what makes me tick―and pursue my interests with fantastic outcomes.
 
 
5.    Stay single (for now)
I cringed whenever my friends advised me to stay single after I separated. I insisted that I was ready for a relationship. The truth is that I wasn't, but it took a disastrous heartache to make me understand this undeniable fact. There are a number of reasons why you should remain single for at least a full year following your separation. Namely, you need time to grieve and heal. No matter how many tears you shed, healing takes time.
 
Most new divorcees experience a sequence of defined emotional stages, and not one of these stages includes committing to another. In fact, now is the time to commit to yourself and to your kids. No matter how ready you believe you are, or how comforting a companion seems at the moment, you don't need more ingredients in the sour blend you're recovering from.
 
 

Comments

  1. Thanks for these great pieces of advice! Going through a separation or divorce can be very difficult, no matter the reason for it. It can indeed turn your world upside down! I completely agree with you that joining a support group where you can talk to others in similar situations may be a good idea. If you are only starting your divorce process, I advise you to carefully study this article to plan your divorce budget properly.

    ReplyDelete
  2. “The work of Dr Itua love spell  far exceeded my expectations. I’m not usually one for sharing feelings but I was able to open up here. I would definitely recommend it for someone whose marriage is in serious trouble. I can’t thank you enough for giving my marriage life. Dr Itua reside in west africa who brought my husband back after running away with another woman claiming he loves her more than me but after the love spell of Dr Itua he come back to me with a marriage proposal and today we are happily married also we have being living for 5 years now without no side effect, I thank Dr Itua for his love spell to save my marriage.
    I will recommend anyone seeking love spell to bring back his or her ex back, here is Dr Itua contact,, Email:  drituaherbalcenter@gmail.com /// Whats-App :  +2348149277967

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment